You Are a Failure: Overcoming Fear of Rejection
Laura Slattery -- June 20, 2007
You are a failure if your let your fears of rejection stop you from submitting or worse yet, if you let it stop you from writing.
You are a failure if you send off a piece of your writing and the editor or reader sends you back a many times copied, check marked in the horribly appropriate box, half sheet of a rejection letter. Clearly you are a poor excuse for a writer. A terrible writer with no hope of ever being published if Jayne Smith or John Doe editor/reader says your work is not suitable for their publication at this time. It will have nothing to do, at all, with the fact that your piece was too long, they had another piece similar in last month's issue, your piece was too short, they have filled the issue already, their mother called five minutes before they got to your envelope and asked them for the 1000th time when they were getting married to that nice boy and now they are stressed out, your piece doesn't fit with their readership, they only have the time to walk their dog every other day and your piece suggested walking dogs every day so they feel guilty, that you mentioned the color blue twice in your manuscript and their boyfriend just broke up with them and he has blue eyes, or your piece just isn't what they are looking for in their publication at this time.
No, it is because you are a terrible writer--wait, I said that already, but I wanted to make sure you were clear on this point. I mean think about it, Generic American Magazine's editor has rejected you personally and probably kept a copy of your manuscript and pinned it to the wall with a bright yellow sticky note that reads simply... HA HA HA. And I'm sure that that Post-It laughter is not because your piece is funny, but funnily, tragically horrible. You should probably burn your hard drive along with any floppy discs just to be sure such a tragedy is never again foisted upon the publishing industry. So that no editor ever again gets the joy of sharing your opening line at the water-cooler as a, "Wait until you hear this tripe I just had the pleasure of rejecting" comment.
Now that you know you are a failure in writing you can move on with your life. You never ever have to write so much as a shopping list again. Because that rejection that you are now in tears about, that is taunting you from your desk, or table, or sitting there beside you on the couch shrieking out your failure for your friends and family to nod and agree with while offering to you that yes, they knew you really never could write a coherent sentence anyway and wouldn't it be better now that your real talent of Jell-O molding can be your primary focus as is appropriate.
Or you could stop laughing at me right now and realize that for some these pervasive, dangerous and unreasonable ideas... or ones similar and perhaps even more ridiculous, really do occasionally run around in a writer's head causing us writers not only to not submit our work, for some perhaps they even stop you from writing. This is an unbelievable shame. Let's fix this problem. Well, maybe not fix, but certainly attempt to make it better.
First I want you to be proactive, let's get your glass half full again. A letter from a publisher saying that they do not want your work is an opportunity to offer it elsewhere. Do you have a list ready for other potential markets for that piece so that you can turn it around and get it back into the world in no more than a week? Get it back out there where yes, it might be declined again, but perhaps it will be accepted. Before you do that though, take the time to read it through again. It has likely been a while since you last read you own words and this is an opportunity to see your writing with fresh and critical eyes. Did you miss some grammatical errors? Is there any loose or unnecessary phrasing, an awkward sentence or paragraph? Is there anything cliché or confusing that perhaps you missed when this piece was much closer to you? Be brutal now with the manuscript and make it better. Consider this to an opportunity to examine why that particular publication declined this offering. You have examined a sample issue and made yourself knowledgeable about their style and needs, right? Then is it time to rethink, to write something new and fresh? I want you to consider if you have something to offer them more in line with what they have published in the past? I encourage you too to take a closer look at their publishing guidelines. Did you push the envelope of word count? Did you submit a piece about children's games to a men's magazine? Did you give them what they asked for or what you think they want and should need? Offer them something new, something well written and most importantly appropriate for their publication. I would like you to give yourself a deadline of one month if at all possible. If you have goals and a plan, if you are regularly writing and submitting, short setbacks and small rejections have much less power.
If you are reading this article I know you care about your writing. I would guess that you share regularly with a writing critique group, or you have worked hard taking online writing classes, or you studied and worked on this craft for years in school and you believe in your talent, you believe in your writing. But if you are not submitting on a regular basis and it is fear of rejection that is stopping you I want you to examine that fear closely. Right now, get a piece of paper and write what it is you are afraid of in your writing and submitting of that writing for publication. Spill all of the irrational and absurd thoughts out onto that fresh white page and see those fears for what they are -- irrational.
I promise you this. A decline of your work is not going to in anyway hurt you physically. A rejection of your work will never cause paralysis, cirrhosis, scoliosis, or hypnosis. I say to you no editor has the time or desire to make fun of your writing. I offer to you, the editor or reader may have been having a bad day and didn't give your work a fair shot. That is unfair, but an opportunity for you to seek publication elsewhere. Or, what is more likely, they did read your piece with an open and fair mind, but your piece just wasn't right for them for one of a hundred possible reasons. That is fair, and also an opportunity for you to seek publication elsewhere.
Now, do you have your list of fears regarding your writing? Do they seem a bit silly there in black and white? I hope so. I now offer you two options. The first, tear up that list of fears, take their control over your actions away by destroying them. Or you can do this, pin your list up on the wall next to your computer or writing desk. Any time you have new fear or an old one rears its head again add it to the list. I guarantee you your fears will lose so much of their power and wither substantially in the bright light of day. I encourage you too to talk to your fellow writers, in person, via email, share with them anyway you can connect with them about these issues. Networking and belonging to a writing group or club can be a tremendous asset to you and your writing. You are not alone in your fears regarding writing and submitting. I know, because I too have my own list pinned to my wall. We can be here for each other, in support of this most difficult craft we have chosen. Together we will find strength to overcome and succeed against the greatest obstacles, not the publishers and editors, but more often our own fears.